The Little Britain Regatta 2005, one of the major racing events in the calendar aimed at the property and construction industry, took place September 8-10. Amongst other LCSC members taking part were John Rushby on board Creative Play, a Farr 40, raced by the ColliersCRE team and Paul Berry on board Skipjack, a Kerr 41.1 raced by Strata. And yes, both gentlemen (Ed: surely some mistake?) were Bojangles Fastnet crew.
John is a surveyor with Colliers Leisure Team and was acting bowman and extractor of the Michael. Paul is a professional freeloader, usually found hanging around Cowes, Dubarries in hand, wearing nothing but a smile and his harness.
The event kicked off with a practice race on Thursday, which saw John failing to depart from his desk in W1. Paul's race was short and sweet, lasting only 5 minutes (just like Paul). A competing boat tried to disprove basic physics and make two bodies occupy the same space at the same moment in time. In all fairness, it should be noted that Paul didn't make it to the boat on time and was not on board for this experiment.
Beer was then drunk. John remained at his desk.
Day 2: Friday: After a 5am start, dumping the car (subsequently clamped) at the short stay at the Red Jet, John finally makes it to the boat. Paul was blissfully unaware as he slept soundly in Skipjack's anchor locker.
Racing was postponed until 14:30. Fog, a lack of wind, fog, tiffin, fog again, lack of wind again. When racing finally did get underway, the fleet headed east along the Solent. Creative Play made a good (second) start and was seen streaking away from the field at least 10 boat lengths ahead of its nearest competitor. Paul and Skipjack also had a good start gaining clear air at the top of the stack.
Some of the above may not true.
After 20 minutes, racing was abandoned as it became apparent that the whole fleet would be kedging. Those without anchors (!) would have been on their way to Poole, which is nice at this time of year.
A wacky races style of mad chase ensued. It was declared a dead heat between Skipjack and Creative Play as they crossed the entrance door to the hospitality tent, containing girls and free Duvel. Alas, much to Paul's dismay the girls were not free.
Beer was then drunk.
Saturday morning saw what could only be described as the West Cowes Amateur Dramatic Society's re-enactment of the Retreat from Moscow. John, his firm having booked a 6-bed cottage with all mod cons and swimming pool, got lost in it and after giving up, slept on the boat. Paul was promoted from the anchor locker and allowed to sleep on the first spreader, which he shared with a herring gull named Dave.
Again, light airs were the order of the day and the racing got underway around 1pm. Just long enough for the hangovers to really kick in. Both boats had good starts but it was Creative Play that took the honours coming 4th over the line, 8th corrected in IRC1. They placed 3rd overall in the Surveyors group and 12th out of 44 yachts in the 'Newcomers' class. Last heard Skipjack was nearing the second mark, its J-boat hardened crew still trying to remember how to fly a symmetrical spinnaker. The helm thought he knew what the long pole on the front was for but a combination of alcohol poisoning and narcolepsy saw him fall into a deep sleep, from which he is yet to emerge. (They did finish and place 17th within IRC1 and 18th amongst the 'Developers' group).
Top tip: Calling Skipjack a tub full of punters on CH16 is frowned upon by Solent Coastguard.
Some the above may not be true.
The event finished with what can only be described as a lock in of 2,500 people in a large flappy tent. The beer flowed, as did the tall stories. By midnight, Paul had agreed to do the next Mini Transat in a Fiat Panda and John had married a herring gull named Dave.
Some of the above may not be true.
Copyright © London Corinthian Sailing Club, 2005